And you thought your presentation was bad...

A reenactment of the back row during
 the ENG 421 presentations. 

BLOGGER'S NOTE: The events mentioned in this post occurred the last Friday of the summer quarter at New England Tech. It was a painful experience but by a combination of request and boredom I'm here to share what transpired on this dreadful night of presentations.


Friday. Week 10. 5:45 p.m. Time for the final presentations in ENG 421 - Technical Communications. Figure about 12 projects at 5-7 minutes apiece and you're out by 7:30, 8 tops.

That is, if your classmates actually read the PowerPoint regarding the length and content of the presentation. What should have been a few simple comments about the process of the class turned into a bunch of lousy diatribes that would have gotten my ABT classmates F's in lowrise design studio.

Here's a sample of what you would have learned had you joined me for this magical event:

How to Make Homemade Stovetop Fudge

1. Three cups of sugar 
2. A wooden spoon 
3. Bake for 30 minutes 
4. Post video on YouTube 
5. Put fudge in a plastic container and leave it in your car so it melts and your classmates have to scoop a piece out with their finger 

A Beginner's Guide to Working Out

• Working out is important because you don't want to be fat 
• Apparently if you don't know what you're doing people make fun of you at the gym 
• Do your exercises with a partner so your 60-minute workout turns into three 
• When starting off with a pectoral fly, use 45 lb. weights so you tear your triceps 
• Once healed, repeat process 

How to Connect your iPod/iPhone to your Car

1. Acquire proper tools 
2. Disconnect car battery 
3. Remove ashtray and cigarette lighter 
4. Oh, wait, anyone that's bought a new car in the past eight years doesn't have an ashtray or a cigarette lighter. Fail.

How to Build a Computer

1. If you actually understand all the components that make up the computer, proceed to Step 2. If you don't have the first f****** clue about computers, then you won't understand a word of this presentation so save yourself time and money and go buy an Apple laptop.

How to Build a Guitar from Scratch

1. See the "How to Build a Computer" guide and replace the words "computer," "computers" and "Apple laptop" with "guitar," "guitars" and "Gibson", respectively.

How to Saddle a Western Horse

1. Make stupid comments the entire night 
2. Get your history wrong 
3. Pronounce "Sarmation" incorrectly 
4. Don't explain to anyone what a "Western Horse" is 
5. Explain in excruciating detail how to saddle the Western Horse but don't tell anyone how to get on the horse 
6. Resume annoying comments on other people's presentations

Introduction to Belly Dancing

1. Get The Flan aroused by being hot and telling off the rude video game geeks that wouldn't shut up or turn their phones off 
2. Insert DVD 
3. Learn nothing about belly dancing because you don't weigh 90 lbs. and can't move your body in those positions

How to Recycle Paper

• Okay, out of respect for my CM brothers I don't really have anything bad to say about this one except that when you say your presentation lasts five minutes and it goes 13 you should buy a clock

What you didn't learn about was how to create a concrete walkway. Why? Because if my partner and I told you how to create a concrete walkway you wouldn't have read the document we made.

And because we have professors who rip us new ones for rambling on and on. Guess they don't teach that in the other techs.

Out.