Sunday, November 6, 2011

Dan Duquette. Theo Epstein. What's the Difference?

If you believe the reports, it looks like Dan Duquette will be named the new General Manager of the Baltimore Orioles. And this edition of The Flan's Blog is off to a roaring start. It gets better. I think.


If you're a fan of the Boston Red Sox and you're wondering who Dan Duquette is, it's probably because you weren't a fan of the team until Kevin Millar started screaming "Cowboy Up!" in 2003. Maybe I'm being too generous in that assumption.



Duquette was the Red Sox GM from 1994 until 2002 when John Henry, the man who turned the Red Sox from a baseball club into a marketing gimmick, took over. On Duquette's watch the likes of Pedro Martinez, Manny Ramirez, Jason Varitek, Derek Lowe, Tim Wakefield, Johnny Damon, Kevin Youkilis and just about every prospect Boston used in its successful trades over the past nine seasons came to Beantown (now that I mention it, nine years ago those names were probably as foreign to "Sawx Nation" as the name Duquette).




Dan Duquette with a pre-dreadlocks 
Manny Ramirez.
But Duquette also brought in his fair share of bad moves. Criminal elements such as Jose Canseco, Jose Offerman and Ugueth Urbina, a bunch of never-weres including John Wasdin, Dante Bichette, Darren Bragg, Darren Lewis and Ed Sprague, and some guys who just didn't work out like Hideo Nomo.


"So what's your point Flan?" My point is for a long time, a lot of people, including myself, took a dump on Duquette because it appeared the longer he stayed in Boston the more he sucked at his job. Getting Damon was a good move, picking up Pedro and Manny were no brainers and one could argue that those other guys I mentioned amounted to dumb luck.


Enter Theo Epstein, now also a former Red Sox GM, but one who can tag two World Series titles to his resume, whether he deserves to or not. Epstein took over in 2003 and after another playoff defeat that, in terms of Red Sox history was par for the course, brings in Curt Schilling, David Ortiz, the aforementioned Millar, Bill Mueller and Keith Foulke, gets rid of Nomar Garciaparra and gets a few of the prospects, namely Dustin Pedroia, Jacoby Ellsbury and Jonathan Papelbon and is labeled The Boy Wonder by "Sawx Nation."


Tell me something "Sawx Nation?" How's Wily Mo Pena doing? Edgar Reteria? Julio Lugo? Javy Lopez? Mike Cameron? JD Drew? Carl Crawford might be going on this list in a year or two.


I love it when other people
write the captions.
How about the pitching staff? Jeff Suppan? Matt Clement? Eric Gagne? Wade Miller? Brad Penny? John Lackey? You can pretty much put the name of any pitcher not named Schilling, Foulke or Mike Timlin signed or acquired in a trade by Epstein here. Literally one bad pitching deal after the next.


"But Flan, what about Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell?" That transaction occurred after Theo left Fenway Park in a gorilla suit and before he and Larry Lucchino kissed and made up. And let's not forget that the Florida Marlins only traded Beckett on the condition that they take Mike Lowell (translation: Florida didn't want to pay him anymore).


On the flip side of saying Duquette was awful, I was saying Epstein was a baseball God. Now that his tenure in Boston is over it's looks similar to Duquette's: Good moves (Nomar for Cabrera and co.), no brainer's (Schilling) and dumb luck (go ahead, pretend Theo signed Ortiz, Millar and Mueller knowing they'd become Boston heroes).


Maybe it's the passage of time, but there seems to be more bad Epstein moves than Duquette ones. The difference is Theo's mistakes get thrown under the rug for two reasons:

  • For lack of a better term, Duquette was a d*** to just about everyone (in particular the Boston Sports Media) while the entire John Henry enterprise has been very diplomatic.
  • Winning two World Series. Duh. The problem is the clowns who call WEEI every day and fill the ballpark 81 games a season with their "Rem Dawg" signs don't have the first clue about the history of the Red Sox.

Under the right circumstances, it's pretty easy to say one guy's an idiot and another's a genius. As an actual Red Sox fan back in 2001 things were pretty ugly. On the flip side, things were pretty good in 2003. So the easy answer is Duquette was horrible and Epstein was a genius.


But, looking back at both careers, I'm not seeing much difference. The 2004 Red Sox was, in my opinion, a joint Duquette-Epstein squad. No doubt that 2007 was 99 percent Epstein, but it doesn't take a "Boy Wonder" to win a title when you buy the best players. Just ask Brian Cashman.


So in case you just skipped over everything I wrote, the fans ripping Dan Duquette and praising Theo Epstein don't have a clue what they're talking about. Duquette brought in a lot of guys that never have to buy a drink in New England ever again, but there's a reason he got fired. The same goes for Epstein. Winning two championships doesn't change the fact that he made about five good transactions since 2004.


Remember that next time you're listening to The Big Show or whatever crap WEEI puts on from 3-6 p.m. and some Southie calls in and says "Theo's a genius! He traded Nomahhh!"


Out.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Movie stars are idiots. Deal with it.

I'd like to believe Sam Jackson had a little too much of
his own home brew, but the reality is he's just an idiot.

So after Morgan Freeman and Samuel L. Jackson talked about something they have no intelligent opinion on and a recent poll looked at what types of films conservatives and liberals enjoy, I got to thinking: What if I got rid of every film starring, written, produced or directed by someone I disagree with politically?


I'd have (at least) less than half of what I own now. Below is a list of the movies I own. The ones that are crossed out are the ones with an actor or another filmmaker with whom I disagree with politically. This list is not definitive and if I really looked deeper into it I'd have more strikethroughs.


Also, the list is just for fun. Spare me your comments on the Tea Party, the "Occupy" protests, Obama, Palin, etc. OK, here we go:



All-Star Superman
Avatar
Back to the Future
Back to the Future Part II
Back to the Future Part III
Bad Santa
Batman Begins
Batman: Under The Red Hood
Bull Durham
Casino
Chasing Amy
Clerks
Clerks II
The Dark Knight
The Departed
Enter the Dragon
A Few Good Men
The Fighter
The Godfather
The Godfather Part II
The Godfather Part III
Goodfellas
Good Will Hunting
Heat
I Love You, Man
The Incredible Hulk
Iron Man
Iron Man 2
Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths
Justice League: The New Frontier
Lethal Weapon
Lethal Weapon 2
Lethal Weapon 3
Lethal Weapon 4
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
Major League
Mallrats
My Cousin Vinny
Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Role Models
Scent of a Woman
The Shawshank Redemption
Snatch
Star Trek (2009)
Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace
Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones
Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the SIth
Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope
Star Wars: Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi
Star Wars: The Clone Wars Vol. 1
Star Wars: The Clone Wars Vol. 2
Thor
The Town
Transformers
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Watchmen
Wonder Woman
X-Men: First Class


To emphasize my point, nine of my Top 10 favorite movies are crossed out (Note: I count the Star Wars Saga as one film).

To further emphasize my point, Freeman and Jackson couldn't have been more racist at a more opportune time. Stupid comments? Yes. Stupid enough for me to say "I'm not going to see The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises?"

Hell no.

Moral of the story? If you watch the Lethal Weapon films and see a Jew hater and a global warming psycho instead of buddy cop action you should lighten up.

Out.

And you thought your presentation was bad...

A reenactment of the back row during
 the ENG 421 presentations. 


BLOGGER'S NOTE: The events mentioned in this post occurred the last Friday of the summer quarter at New England Tech. It was a painful experience but by a combination of request and boredom I'm here to share what transpired on this dreadful night of presentations.


Friday. Week 10. 5:45 p.m. Time for the final presentations in ENG 421 - Technical Communications. Figure about 12 projects at 5-7 minutes apiece and you're out by 7:30, 8 tops.

That is, if your classmates actually read the PowerPoint regarding the length and content of the presentation. What should have been a few simple comments about the process of the class turned into a bunch of lousy diatribes that would have gotten my ABT classmates F's in lowrise design studio.


Here's a sample of what you would have learned had you joined me for this magical event:

How to Make Homemade Stovetop Fudge

  1. Three cups of sugar 
  2. A wooden spoon 
  3. Bake for 30 minutes 
  4. Post video on YouTube 
  5. Put fudge in a plastic container and leave it in your car so it melts and your classmates have to scoop a piece out with their finger 
A Beginner's Guide to Working Out
  • Working out is important because you don't want to be fat 
  • Apparently if you don't know what you're doing people make fun of you at the gym 
  • Do your exercises with a partner so your 60-minute workout turns into three 
  • When starting off with a pectoral fly, use 45 lb. weights so you tear your triceps 
  • Once healed, repeat process 
How to Connect your iPod/iPhone to your Car

  1. Acquire proper tools 
  2. Disconnect car battery 
  3. Remove ashtray and cigarette lighter 
  4. Oh, wait, anyone that's bought a new car in the past eight years doesn't have an ashtray or a cigarette lighter. Fail.
How to Build a Computer
  1. If you actually understand all the components that make up the computer, proceed to Step 2. If you don't have the first f****** clue about computers, then you won't understand a word of this presentation so save yourself time and money and go buy an Apple laptop.
How to Build a Guitar from Scratch

  1. See the "How to Build a Computer" guide and replace the words "computer," "computers" and "Apple laptop" with "guitar," "guitars" and "Gibson", respectively.
How to Saddle a Western Horse

  1. Make stupid comments the entire night 
  2. Get your history wrong 
  3. Pronounce "Sarmation" incorrectly 
  4. Don't explain to anyone what a "Western Horse" is 
  5. Explain in excruciating detail how to saddle the Western Horse but don't tell anyone how to get on the horse 
  6. Resume annoying comments on other people's presentations
Introduction to Belly Dancing


  1. Get The Flan aroused by being hot and telling off the rude video game geeks that wouldn't shut up or turn their phones off 
  2. Insert DVD 
  3. Learn nothing about belly dancing because you don't weigh 90 lbs. and can't move your body in those positions
How to Recycle Paper

  • Okay, out of respect for my CM brothers I don't really have anything bad to say about this one except that when you say your presentation lasts five minutes and it goes 13 you should buy a clock

What you didn't learn about was how to create a concrete walkway. Why? Because if my partner and I told you how to create a concrete walkway you wouldn't have read the document we made.

And because we have professors who rip us new ones for rambling on and on. Guess they don't teach that in the other techs.

Out.