Wrestlemania Week Day Eight: Do Try This at Home. Because it's F****** Hilarious.

There's a reason Youtube has become an Internet sensation. This is it.

I've said all I can about Wrestlemania and WWE, so I think it's time for The Flan's Blog to take a little break from the world of professional wrestling.


But before I do that, I'd like to take this opportunity to provide a public service announcement regarding the dangers of wrestling fans imitating their favorite superstars.


Yeah right. I have scars on my left knee and the middle of my forehead from reenacting what I saw in then-WWF. It happens. I don't regret it. You want me to discourage it? Hell no. Look at this kid:

Brilliant stuff. Future Hall of Famer all the way. That, and Elmo sucks. So do his friends seen here.

And what about these assclowns? Backyard wrestling clips on Youtube are hilarious. Seriously, click on that link and tell me it's not funny. This one, where we have a couple of jackasses mistaking a florescent light bulb for a kendo stick. is my favorite:

So to all you morons who want to do their best Jeff Hardy impression: Feel free. I hope it turns out like this:

Out.

Wrestlemania Week Day Seven: Last of the Legends and Predictions

These two Icons will end an era Sunday.

Since both The Undertaker and Triple H returned on February 11, there's been a lot of talk about these two being "The Last Outlaws."


That's a little inaccurate. In fact, anything less than "The Last Icons" is inaccurate.


In my opinion there are only seven wrestlers from WWE that deserve to be called Icons. Hogan. Undertaker. Bret. HBK. Austin. Rock. Triple H. Four of these men are scheduled to participate in Wrestlemania tomorrow with a fifth being inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame and also rumored to be involved in Sunday's event.


Yes, it's been feeling a lot like the year 2000 at WWE. Foul language. Reunions. Returns, even from people you never wanted to see again. And for an old school fan it's great. But living in the past isn't the way to go. Sunday, April 3, is the end of an era.


One guy that, one day, might turn seven icons into eight is John Cena. Right now he's the man, the main event. One person who is not an icon is The Miz. Regardless, he is the reigning WWE champion. All due respect to Triple H and Undertaker, these two guys should main event tomorrow's show. Triple H and 'Taker have done more than their fair share to make WWE a profitable enterprise and an exciting show to watch. And given reports that Triple H wants to retire soon and rumors that Undertaker's health is not what it used to be, they shouldn't have to. It's time for Vince to put his faith in the future.


Who is the future? Cena. Miz. Randy Orton. CM Punk. Albert Del Rio. Sheamus. These are the guys who are gonna make or break WWE for the foreseeable future. And if the creative team ever figures out how to handle the mid-card wrestlers WWE will have a bright future.


Oh yeah, get rid of the damn brand extension and unify the two world championships.


Anyway, here are my predictions for Wrestlemania XXVII:

In the words of a wrestling legend, "It's true, it's true."

United States Championship-Daniel Bryan vs. Sheamus (champion): Given the fact that Sheamus is allegedly disliked by some people with creative control I don't see him pulling this one out. Bryan becomes a two-time U.S. Champion.

Arrive. Raise Hell. Leave.

Jerry "The King" Lawler vs. Michael Cole w/ Jack Swagger (Special Guest Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin): Fans have been dying for someone to abuse Cole, some of them waiting long before Cole's ridiculous behavior began 10-12 months ago. This is the moment. Perhaps JBL and/or Jim Ross will show up to make things interesting, but I doubt it. Swagger gets a stunner, Cole gets a stunner, Lawler might get a stunner, but will win this one.

Cody's come a long way.

Rey Mysterio vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes: This is tough to call. When it comes to mid-card talent like Rhodes you never know who WWE wants to push or put back in the closet. On the other hand, the kids love Rey, but part of the job of veterans like Mysterio is to put over young guys like Rhodes. I hope I'm wrong, but when I say Mysterio takes the win I don't think I will be.

Say what you will about these two, they make good action figures.

Big Show, Kane, Santino and Koslov vs. The Corre: WWE has thrown a wrench into this storyline, possibly opening the door for Kofi Kingston to take Koslov's place in this match. Doesn't matter. The five guys The Corre is feuding with either are or have been in the past glorified jobbers. The only real question is if the bookers will give give these gentlemen more than four minutes to wrestle. In any scenario, The Corre wins in what is basically a built-in bathroom break.

Ugh.

John Morrison, Trish Stratus, and Snooki vs. Dolph Ziggler and LayCool w/ Vickie Guerrero: Without looking, I can't think of a single celebrity not named Pete Rose that got involved in a Wrestlemania match and came out on the losing side. Kelly Kelly most likely gets involved to help Morrison, Trish, and Snooki claim a win.

Mrs. S is right. Dude looks like a serial killer.

Randy Orton vs. CM Punk: Another one that is tough to call. I want Punk to win but this story seems to have reached its peak. Orton punts his way to victory.

Legacy? Or destiny?

World Heavyweight Championship-Alberto Del Rio w/ Brodus Clay vs. Edge (champion) w/ Christian: Del Rio won the first 40-man Royal Rumble, capping off a heck of a start to his WWE career. One guy on his way out is Edge, and I anticipate The Rated-R Superstar will be the World Heavyweight Champion for the majority of his waning days in WWE. Edge wins. One guy who's name hasn't popped up much is Drew McIntyre. If he was gonna show up it would be here.

What else can be said about these guys.

The Undertaker vs. Triple H (No Holds Barred): Each of the Icons I mentioned has created their own unique stamp on WWE. Part of The Undertaker's stamp is his undefeated "streak" at Wrestlemania. Hopefully Triple H, who is part of the creative team, understands this and takes the fall. I have no doubt Shawn Michaels will get involved, and unlike some people, Undertaker goes 19-0.

Just Bring It.

WWE Championship-John Cena vs. The Miz (champion) w/ Alex Riley:

• Scenario 1: Miz retains the title after The Rock costs Cena the chance to win, igniting a feud that will blow up Twitter.

• Scenario 2: John Cena defeats The Miz, The Rock comes out and he and Cena take care of Miz and Riley, Rock and Cena have a confrontation.

I doubt The Rock is planning to return to wrestling full-time, Cena's character has had a rough 10 months, and Miz's title run has gome as far as it's going to go, so I think Scenario 2 is the best bet. Cena wins his tenth World Championship, then gets the taste slapped out of his mouth by The Rock, who is now and forever will be The People's Champion.

Out.

Wrestlemania Week Day Six: John Cena Is Better Than The Rock

Yeah, you heard what I said: John Cena is better than The Rock.

Here's why:

--Jim "The Rock" Kelly: The Rock main-evented Wrestlemania three years in a row and lost three years in a row. That makes "The Great One" the Buffalo Bills of Wrestlemania. Rock is 4-4 overall at the event while Cena stands at 6-1 and counting.

--I did it for The Rock: Is it a coincidence that the height of The Rock's popularity came when Steve Austin was out with a legitimate neck injury? And when Stone Cold came back Rock went right back to second string face? Cena on the other hand, despite Batista and Randy Orton nipping at his heels, has proven in this era he is the franchise.

If you smell what Cenation is cookin'.

--"The Scorpion King" sucked: One drawback to living in a dorm freshman year was a limited amount of channels, one of them playing "The Scorpion King" over and over again. Hopefully students at URI have been treated to "12 Rounds".

--Rapping is cool: While he doesn't really do it anymore, Cena's rapping skills made him one of the best with a mic early in his career. Rock may have millions (and millions) of fans but he only has his recycled catchphrases.

--The real People's Champion: Who appointed The Rock "The People's Champion?" Anyone who refers to himself in the third person doesn't give a hoot about the people. John Cena on the other hand, has a great bond with the WWE Universe, which can be seen in the children's faces all over the arena.

--The better champion: Both The Rock and John Cena are seven time WWF/E champions. Cena's first three reigns (280 days, 133, 380) all lasted longer than The Rock's longest title run (119). Apparently the writers felt "the most electrifying man is sports entertainment" wasn't long term championship material.

There you have it. John Cena is better than The Rock. If you disagree with me you're welcome to debate the argument. But before you do, keep this in mind.

Out.